Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent comedians devoted the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins each thing he handles."

The focus was the new plan which enables international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. The program's website pledges processing "in record time."

"A quick thought for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.